Screenplays
By Keith Kirts
Body Builder Thriller/Action Comedy
Logline: Ex Green Beret muscle builder must rescue „The Princess“, 50 year old daughter of the haughty „richest man“ on Muscle Beach. She is KIDNAPPED and held for ransom by two
potheads so they can open a pizza shop. But „the Princess“ is not a helpless damsel.
Cyborg Pyrates** Animated Feature, based on Prevenge of the Cyborg Pyrates
Logline: James Mather’s seminal character, Professor Bunny, tries to save the world, but instead opens a hole in the universe. Pyrates from the galaxy descend upon Earth. Professor Bunny must somehow close this hole. The fate of Earth depends on him.
Dating the Deputy’s Girl Romantic Comedy
Logline: Lorilee, former cheerleader and current bank teller, is kidnapped by Dumb and Dumber in a bank robbery. Johnny, the road grader man, must save his new sweetheart
Debtor’s Prison* Thriller
Logline: Just Divorced Insurance Adjuster with a debt problem gets caught in a tangled web out at Blackstone Prison. He must dodge the bullets of a psycho and get
insurance money to the family of a man in a coma.
Devil’s Drainpipe+ Nuclear Waste Comedy, based on his novel
Logline: Sri Rainy, an old holy man, must stop the government contractors from destroying his monastery by putting a nuclear waste dump in his mountain. His friend, Monclief, the Bigfoot, must protect his family on the mountain from nuclear radiation death.
Jockey School Action Comedy
Logline: Two young grifters bet the bookie’s money and lose. They hide out at a country school for jockeys. They must escape the bookie’s goons by becoming real jockeys and winning the money back.
Mars Quark+ Arty Thriller
Logline: Mars Quark (his work name) has decided to stop being bad, but the Hydra sends his old friend, The Spoiler, to bring him into the fold, or kill him. Mars must use all his martial abilities to escape and save his friends.
Million or Under Action Comedy/Thriller
Logline: J J Carmichael, a co-ed and barista, finds a briefcase full of money. The owner comes looking for it with a gun. J J must quickly decide how to keep the money and stay alive.
Murder Bookstore Thriller
Logline: Sam, the used book guy, buys an ultra-rare Native American codex that names the newly minted Catholic Saint as a monster. Penelope, thick glasses and great legs, persuades
handsome Prof. Blake to help them. He must protect the book from Vatican thieves, and stop a hit-woman nun from killing Penelope.
Soccer Moms from Hell Dark Comedy/Romantic Comedy
Logline: Chubby Jamal is the Manny for the three unathletic children of Mary, an ex-Olympian soccer player. Daily soccer practice is in the mansion’s back yard with the kids and staff, until Banker Father is caught embezzling. Mary must keep the family from drowning.
Space Sex SciFi Comedy, based on his novel
Logline: Venus M’Gnapt, the powerful Senator’s granddaughter, looses her memory in the transfer to Earth. She tells her life story to Suckerfield, who writes a novel about it. The planetary agent and the transfer jockey who messed her up must find the girl before the Senator sends them to perdition, or worse. They hook up with Suckerfield and the zaney search begins.
Twin Peaks Robbery# Thriller
Logline: A Detective is hired by his old friend to investigate his wife, and in the process falls in love with her. He must save her from her insanely jealous husband, and a trifecta of criminal treasure hunters seeking the gold coins from an ancient stage coach robbery at are buried on this ranch.
White Crane’s Gift Docu Drama, based on the history „The Birth of Acupuncture in America“
Logline: Three UCLA grad students are taught Chinese Acupuncture in Chinatown. The AMA (American Medical Asso) opposes them at every turn. They must pass laws in the States to allow them to practice legally, or be forever shut out of the medical world.
*Co-Writer James Mathers and Doug Lewis
**Co-Writwer James Mathers
+Co-Writer Philip Miller
#Co-Writer Michael Murphy
„This is how love must feel.“ – Joey Capone